APPARENTLY. Seeing as how the last post was back in 2009, I figured I'd taken long enough of a hiatus. For those of you who don't know what 'hiatus' means (you know who you are), it means "shut ya' face and google it."
Ahhhh, ok so I'm on the subway ride home, and as usual I'm trying to close my eyes and zone out. John is sitting next to me and notices some college kid directly across from us.
J: "Aww, he looks sad."
A: "Huh?"
J: "He looks sad. You know... thats why you're so lucky to have me in your life."
A: "Huh?"
J: "Because... he looks sad. When you're not happy, I cheer people up. It's true - you're very lucky."
A: "Ok."
The guy realizes he's approached his stop and gets up. He rushes through the subway doors to exit before the doors close, when I look across from me and his wallet is resting right where he was sitting.
The 2 people that were to the left of him stare at the wallet, then stare at us. Then the people to the right stare at the wallet, then us, then at everyone in the surrounding area. No one moves. I pick up the wallet, see the I.D. in front and throw it in my bag. I figure when I get off, I'll just leave it with a conductor. One man suggests I drop it in a mailbox and the post office will take care of it. Given my experience with the miserable fucks who work at the USPS, I'm not taking that chance. I've lost my wallet, 6 cell phones, and 2 ipods, all in the EXACT same way and have only gotten my ipod returned once... and not by a postal employee. It sucks, and I'm gonna get it back to him the only way I'll know he'll receive it - I'll mail it myself.
We're walking home from the subway station and John turns to me:
J: "I know what you're thinking."
A: "Huh?"
J: "You wanna know how much is in that wallet."
A: "No. Actually, I'm starving and I'm thinking about chicken."
We get inside and relax on the sofa. I take the wallet out of my bag and rest it on the table. John grabs it and immediately opens the cash compartment. There was a little less than $50 in cash when he grabs a $20 and a 5:
J: "There. You can have the rest."
A: "What? What are you doing?"
J: "What's yours is mine - you take half; I'll take half."
A: "I'm not taking this guy's money, it's $50..."
J: "Well, you know if he was the one that took YOUR wallet, you wouldn't get it back with cash in it."
A: "That's not the point - karma's a bitch! Hahahaha, are you serious?"
J: "Yep. This is mine."
John walks away to put the money in his wallet.
A: "Ummm.. what happened to 'everyone should have someone like you in their life?'"
J: "Oh please..."
Hahahahahhaha, moral of the story:
If you're sad and someone looks concerned... don't buy it. They might just wanna take your money, order a pizza, sit on the couch and watch 'Weeds' instead.
