1. Taxes. Perhaps the government will decide NOT to assrape me this year, and perhaps not - only one way to find out.
2. Mixing a margarita. No salt, heavy on the 'quila.
3. Bióre Strips. Sure they're nasty, but I'm always fascinated by the little alien-like forest of grossness that's revealed after almost peeling your entire face off.
4. Wings. I think today is the only day where we're allowed to eat our weight in chicken wings without judgement. I could even make Sean Hanney proud.
5. Start my autobiography. Always imagined the opening line would be something like "I envision my life much like a Long Island iced tea. Not just because I'm brown and grew up on Long Island, but because it's made up of so many different parts that together take on a whole other identity. Sure it's a big old mess, but in the end you just want to feel good - you can always suffer tomorrow."
6. Know that crud that collects above and around a stove that you use the regularly fry copious amounts of bacon on? Yeah that. I should probably scrub that.
7. Dental work. I have yet to have a root canal completed because of the trauma I suffered at the hand of a sadistic prick from Patchogue about 7 years ago. Now would be a good time to wrap that up, I think.
8. Selfie patrol. I could scour my Facebook friends' pages for horrific selfies, and upload photos of them with their heads replaced by hippos. Not cute baby hippos, I'm talking mature, angry, beast-like hippos that resemble Mama June on a good day. I really feel like I'd be doing God's work.
9. Plot. I could easily spend the day plotting ways and researching methods of torturing my boss without it being detected by forensics. There's always ex-lax in the coffee, but I feel I need to be more creative. Sadly, all roads end with the East River.
10. Dunkin Donuts. Have you tried the new cookie dough or brownie batter-filled donuts? I would harvest a family member's organs for a good half dozen. Ok I'm exaggerating..... At least a dozen.
