The New Girl

To put it simply, she's useless. She sits behind Jennie and mumbles into a phone all day long and occasionally gets "trained" by Him (See blog entitled "The Frighteningly Long Pinky Nail"). I use the word "trained" loosely because their conversations seem to go something like this:

New Girl: "*mumble *mumble *mumble "
Pinky: "How you say... this is... how to find? Oh... amount in receivables, you must call.. we get the check."
New Girl: "Uhhhh... what? I don't understand what your saying *mumble *mumble *mumble "
Pinky: "Such headache... you call... or.. something like that to how you say...yabba dabba doo"
New Girl: "*mumble *mumble *mumble ...I don't... uhh what?"

This fucking shit goes on from 9am till 1pm when she leaves for the day. When the phone rings, she looks at it. She fucking stares at it as if to decifer some code or alien language coming through the constant ringing. *RINGGGGGGG.... *RINGGGGGGG.... She stares... then looks back up at her computer screen *mumble *mumble *mumble .

It's so weird. Jennie even tells me that she sits there motionless... soundless... for HOURS. Is she even breathing? I even swear there's a strange smell coming from her purse.

Her new thing is the coffee pot. Now, there aren't many pleasures I get from this place, but if there's one thing (other than a liquid lunch) that I look forward to, it's my goddamned coffee. She INSISTS on brewing a fresh pot the second she comes in. She barely takes off her coat, when she bolts for the kitchen. This, of course, wouldn't be a problem if her coffee didn't taste un-fucking-believably bad. I'm dead serious. It tastes like a cup of roasted dick. It's foul, muddy, and not even watering it down and adding extra flavored creamer helps. Here's the best part - she doesn't even drink coffee!

Something tells me there's something she's putting in there that probably shouldn't BE in there. Yes, perhaps a little far fetched, but all in all completely plausible. I drank a cup today solely because its about 35 degrees in here (that's another story). As a result of ingesting this sludge, I'll probably end up growing hair in places no hair should be growing. Oh well... I've got a razor.