The Booze Whisperer

So I'm at home yesterday, off from work, watching tv and sitting on my ass (margarita in-hand) when I come across that diminutive little man Caesar Milan, The Dog Whisperer. Now, I've never seen the show, wouldn't even know what channel I was watching, but remembered that one of my new projects at work is to design packaging concepts for a new line of products that The Dog Whisperer himself has decided to endorse and market as his own. Big fun, right? No. Now I've seen crazy. I've looked crazy in the face. Hell, I grew up in a family full of crazy, but this woman was a piece of work. Her name? One Jennifer Pryor - Richard Pryor's widow. She was on the show because she runs a dog rescue program out of her enormous house, and can't control ANY of the friggin' animals that inhabit it. Here's a little excerpt:

"I love animals. Richard loved animals. These dogs gave me something I could never get from ALL the men I've had, from shopping on Rodeo Drive, from Cocaine..."

Let's stop there. As if it's not bad enough that your on television telling the world you live in a multi-million dollar home, have about 10 dogs, and let them basically beat the shit out of you and run your household, your dredging up all of this crap? She even stated to Caesar Milan that she was "grateful that the universe sent him to her."

I immediately poured myself another drink to be able to endure the rest of this episode, and Jennifer's crazy ethereal fucked up hippie-talk that had me extremely close to doing Patrón shots in my underwear... alone. For those of you who haven't seen the show, Milan has a series of techniques he uses to get these animals to submit and realize that at 5'1", this little mexican man was about to put these bitches in their place! (Heh, heh, they're dogs... bitches.) Anyway, by the end of the episode, Milan had these dogs on tread mills, playing with dogs they would have normally mauled, and had the pitbull waiting at the foot of the bed to be granted permission to lay on the bed next to Jennifer. Giving credit where credit's due, Caesar Milan is amazing. The problem? These dog owners that insist on keeping an animal who has no problem tearing their fucking hands off when they go to show any kind of affection or come anywhere near them at feeding time. It's very strange to me, but I suppose it keeps little Caesar's pockets quite full.

By the end of the show, I was exhausted, quite buzzed, updated my resumé on Monster.com, and applied for two jobs. Wish me luck! I am..... the Booze Whisperer.