"Fries?... Or some snake with that?"

I've been to my share of NYC restaurants and eaten my share of godawful food, but when it comes to a food chain I particularly enjoy eating from, I get a little concerned. I was at a restaurant (to hell with anonymity - it's called Café 82) with my coworker recently when she ordered a salad. I ordered a wrap and when our food came, I heard her gasp in horror just moments later. She was rummaging through her big leafy meal when she lifted her fork and showed me two live ladybugs that had apparently been hiking through her salad on the way back from the kitchen. I don't mind ladybugs. I hear they're supposed to bring good luck, though I haven't seen much of that in my 30th year of life, but I draw a fucking line when they're spotted backpacking through my food. She ended up getting a sandwich instead, and we haven't been back there since... or shall I say 'yet' - the BLT's are f*cking delicious.

Anyway, this past Sunday, one Jack Pendelton was frequenting a TGI Friday's upstate when he spotted a snake head (with the spine attached) resting alongside his broccoli. He snapped a photo of it with his cell phone and Friday's was nice enough to comp the meal. Apparently Jack has no plans to sue, and whether or not he should is something I really have no opinion on, but I will say this. If I ever walk into a Friday's and there's some sort of animal head in my meal, I'll be goddamned if all I get is a free chicken dinner. I want drinks. I want unlimited cocktails every time I walk into that establishment. I want scantily-clad wait staff fanning me with giant banana leaves and feeding me shrimp. Well... ok fine, I can compromise. I can do without the wait staff, but hell, If I'm brave enough to step foot inside that restaurant again, the least they can do is make sure I'm not paying them another dime post-incident. Luckily, I've learned how to make their Jack Daniel's sauce myself, so I don't have to worry about any turds floating in it or anything, but c'mon Friday's. Your food is to blame for ooooh about 10-15lbs of mine, so do us both a favor and make it worth my while.

As for Jack, if he doesn't show a little more initiative, I'm tempted to show up on his doorstep and smack him upside his enormous bald head. Have you seen that episode of Family Guy where Stewie finishes watching that horrible remake of "Bewitched" with Will Farrel? He then leaves the theather, hops on a plane to LA, stops at the hardware store to buy a ladder, gets to Will Farrel's house, rings the bell, positions the ladder at Will's eye-level, and when he opens the door, Stewie knocks him unconscious.

I'll free my schedule for this Sunday...

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