My Pending Court Date

Yeah, you hear it correctly. I have to appear in a Queens court on the 21st of August to plead guilty. Why, do you ask? For having to take the biggest PISS I've ever needed to take in my life. I was leaving a concert, during which I drank heavily, and fortunately sobered up by the time I was ready to 'release'. I wasn't about to wait on the ridiculously long line at the Bowery Ballroom, so I opted to just wait until I got home. It was raining, pouring actually, and I felt there couldn't be much harm in urinating where it would be washed away by Mother Nature in a matter of fucking seconds. So... I mosey on over (I love the word 'mosey') to the end of the OUTDOOR elevated subway platform. There was no one in my line of sight. Just me, the rain, and Alabama ready to relieve himself. I huddle in the corner, behind the large pillar, and giant metal bin that cleared my waist, and began to pee. Within...oh... 7-8 seconds of my endeavor, I hear a voice from behind me: "Youuuuuu just let me know when you wanna' wrap that up." Now, I'm still somewhat drunk but not visibly, thank god, and I turn to see a police officer standing directly behind me. I reply casually with, "Yep, no problem" and continue to finish my marathon piss. I then get escorted downstairs where I'm greeted by yet ANOTHER friendly NYC Police Officer. By friendly, I mean the biggest sarcastic, ego-trip-taking, asshole I've encountered in a long time. I get told to sit on the bench and proceed to laugh. Officer B then tells me "I'm sorry if we're disturbing you, but is there something funny?" Now, this statement really didn't even make sense to me. How can observe someone laughing as perseve them as being disturbed and yet amused? He was clearly a complete fucking imbecile, which just made me laugh harder. I stopped chuckling and the reality set in.... I'm getting a summons for taking a PISS! A piss where you couldn't even prove I was pissing cause it had been washed away in the time it took fuckin Dragnet to usher me downstairs and set me on the bench. I started asking random questions at this point. I'm not sure why. He asked if I lived there (the train station where I was transfering was in Ozone Park) I replied with an extremely indignant "No, I'm definitely not from here." In retrospect, that was a bit snobbish, but who gives a fuck. I'm still the poor asshole who has to go to court. (FYI, for those of you not familiar with the area, here's a little snipet on the shooting that occured just two months ago.)

I'm gonna wrap this up. In short, I have to appear in court and plead guilty in front of a judge. "Yes sir, I peed. Yes your honor I peed?" I think I need a manual. What the fuck am I supposed to say? And better yet, what kind of fine am I looking at? If anyone can shed some light on this, it would be much appreciated. I still find the whole situtation hysterical and I'm actually looking forward to the day off of work.

Oh, and I'm thinking of wearing these pants to my hearing, sans the ice skates... but perhaps the poka shirt, that's a good look for me: